


Embrace me for just a little longer

by EternalElegy



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Homophobia, JunHiyo Day 6/14/2020, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalElegy/pseuds/EternalElegy
Summary: It was as if they were soulmates, destined to stay together until the very end.
Relationships: Sazanami Jun/Tomoe Hiyori
Comments: 16
Kudos: 29





	Embrace me for just a little longer

Jun was about to go to bed when his phone rang. Usually he never got calls at this time of the night, and it irritated him that he was all bundled up and ready to sleep, only to interrupted. He immediately thought that this was Ibara calling him about some last minute change to his schedule tomorrow, but he couldn’t help but sigh when he read the caller’s name.

Hiyori Tomoe.

“Jun-kun! Jun-kun!”  
“What is it, Ohii-san? It’s 11PM.”  
“Open the door!”  
“Don’t tell me you’re standing outside of my room right now.”  
“Mhm, I’m right outside! You should open the door and let me in before I freeze to death!” 

Kohaku gave Jun a quizzical look as Jun got out of bed.  
“Don’t worry about it. It’s just my senpai.”  
“Okay.” Kohaku resumed scrolling through his phone. Jun opened the door.  
“Jun-kun! Get changed out of your pyjamas, we’re going for a walk!” Hiyori lit up as he saw Jun.  
“I thought you hated cold weather.”  
“Yes yes, but you’ll be there to warm me up, right? Besides, it’s been a while since we’ve talked!”  
“We see each other for work almost every day.”  
“No, I mean actually talk!” Hiyori pouted.  
“... How did you even come here?”

“I snuck out!”  
“You’re going to be in a heap of trouble if they find out… fine, just come inside and wait a minute. Don’t disturb Kohaku, okay?” Hiyori nodded entering the dorm. Jun went to the bathroom to get changed and soon they were outside on the street. It was cool, but otherwise alright, at least to Jun.  
“Ohii-san, can you stop hugging my arm? We’re in public.” Jun asked with an annoyed tone as Hiyori latched onto his arm.  
“But I’m cold! Besides… I just want to be able to hug you again. It’s been so long since we’ve been alone like this.” 

Jun didn’t respond. To be honest, he really did miss those moments when they could settle down and be as intimate as they wanted to, and while they were in public right now, there were barely any people out in the streets. Besides, Hiyori wasn't as touchy as he could have been, and he already was a fair amount even whenever they went out together, so Jun didn’t see this as a problem. Work had almost always gotten the better of the two and Jun was sure that Hiyori hated it more than he did, but he supposed that it came with the package of being in a relationship when he and his partner were both extremely popular idols.

For once, Hiyori kept his mouth shut for more than a few moments as they walked along the moonlit street. Usually, Jun would have preferred to walk alone, but over time, he had welcomed Hiyori’s presence more and more. As annoying as his senior was, there was something about Hiyori that made Jun want to stay around him for longer. Sometimes, just hearing Hiyori’s voice made him calm down, even if he blabbed on and on about something he didn’t particularly care to listen to.  
“Oh look! A cat!” Hiyori pointed out as a cat disappeared into an alleyway.  
“What about them?”  
“Want to get a cat, Jun-kun?”  
“I’m not allowed to have pets in my dorm. Besides, you already have Bloody Mary.”  
“But shouldn’t Bloody Mary have a companion to play with whenever we’re at work?”  
“Yeah, but doesn’t that mean that you have to spend more time on them and less time on me?”

“Aww, you’re jealous!” Hiyori grinned.  
“So what? Why can’t I be jealous?”  
“You’re so cute!” Hiyori hugged Jun.  
“Ohii-san, stop suffocating me.”  
“Sorry, I can’t help it!” 

Jun sighed and returned the embrace. The generally cold temperature was making Hiyori’s warmth all the more welcoming and he dearly wished that they were doing this in the comfort of a bed or a sofa.  
“Maybe next time I should kick Kohaku out again so that we can spend another night together.”  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if Sakura-kun has exams or something?”  
“Then we’ll just get together when he doesn’t have exams!”  
“You should probably ask him to make sure that he’s okay with it though…”  
“I’m sure that he will be once we do it a lot!”  
“Won’t the dorm manager notice? Look, I know you want to be with me more, but you should act like a proper adult and be aware of the rules a little more. Maybe I’ll reward you with some quiche if you act more responsibly~”

“Yay! That’s my Jun-kun!” Jun thought that Hiyori’s hug couldn’t get any tighter, but he was terribly wrong.  
“Ohii-san… I… can’t breathe…” He managed, and fortunately Hiyori caught on, loosening his arms a little. Jun couldn’t believe that he was pretty much parenting Hiyori even though he was the younger one, and still in high school to boot.  
“I… I want to stay like this a bit longer. Can I?” Hiyori asked softly.  
“... Yeah.” Jun didn’t know the last time he would be able to do this with Hiyori, so he did his best to enjoy the moment while it lasted. Both of their schedules were fairly packed as members of one of the big three of ES, and technically they weren’t supposed to be meeting right now. Ever since they had their first date, it was almost impossible to find some time to meet together in private and even then, it never lasted long. Sometimes, they could show a bit of affection like a wink or a face caress and excuse it as fanservice, but anything further like an extended hug or a kiss could only be done here and there. Jun would have been lying if he said that he didn’t hate it, but he accepted that it was how reality was.

After they broke the hug, they walked a few more blocks, and reached a part of the path where the streetlights had broken.  
“Wow, look, the moon is so bright that we can see ahead!” Hiyori exclaimed, pointing up towards the night sky and the full moon.  
“Yeah…” Jun looked up too. Truly, the sky was beautiful, and Jun wondered what it would have looked like if he had been in a better position to view it. He made a mental note to take Hiyori stargazing at some point in time.  
“It reminds me of the Eve logo, except Eve has a crescent moon in it.”  
“Mmm.”  
“Ah… that brings me back to when I first met you, Jun-kun! I knew that we must be soulmates when I saw you!” ” Hiyori took both of Jun’s hands into his, looking at him with such a happy smile that it was contagious.

“Oh, yeah.” Usually, he would have retorted and commented on Hiyori’s sappiness, but he was so swept up with Hiyori’s positive energy that he couldn’t find the words.  
“Wait, so you agree?”  
“You talk like it’s an opinion. I can’t argue with the truth, you know~” 

Hiyori froze.  
“... Ohii-san, are you seriously crying?”  
“I love you so much…” Jun was embraced again and Hiyori quietly sobbed into his shoulder. Hiyori was definitely an emotional person, but Jun didn’t realise that those romantic feelings were enough to bring Hiyori to tears. Both of them knew that the literal meaning of being soulmates wasn’t particularly realistic, but the concept seemed to apply to them all the same and Jun didn’t mind labelling their relationship as such.  
“Hey, don’t cry…” Jun patted Hiyori’s back.  
“I was really lonely, you know. I just wanted to cuddle you again…” Hiyori sniffled.  
“Same. I can talk to Kohaku about it if you want.”  
“Really?!”  
“There are a ridiculous amount of things I’d do for you. What makes you think that talking with someone else isn’t one of them?”

Before Hiyori could respond, he broke the hug suddenly, putting more than enough distance between him and Jun. It took a moment for Jun to realise that there were a group of four men walking towards them, all with threatening expressions on their faces. Having been a non-special student, Jun knew this atmosphere very well, and he didn’t think that he’d have to experience it again after being a special student due to his position in Eden.  
“Eww, it’s disgusting gays.” One of them spat at Jun’s feet as Jun positioned himself in between Hiyori and the strangers.  
“Hurt my senpai and I’ll beat the living daylights out of you.” Jun growled, preparing to strike in case things grew violent. 

“Jun-kun? What’s going on?” Hiyori trembled behind his lover. As someone who was born into nobility, money and class, he had never been exposed to this kind of violence before. While he had seen it in some of the books he read, this was completely different and his heart rate rapidly accelerated as his body prepared to run or fight.  
“I bet this dog has bark and no bite!” Another one of the strangers mocked, and the group of them laughed. Hiyori wanted to throw an insult, but he remained silent; he knew better than to put himself and Jun in danger. Jun seemed to have the same idea as he didn’t react.  
“Let’s put them in their place, shall we?” A third man cracked his knuckles, and the group all advanced towards the Eve duo, slowly backing them into a wall.  
“Run!” Jun yelled, grabbing Hiyori’s wrist as he bolted, the other men in hot pursuit. 

Hiyori knew that his physique wasn’t as good as Jun’s, who had spent hours every week in the gym to build up the muscle he had. The senior hated that he had to be the one to drag Jun down in this situation, and he silently prayed that they would lose the group before his stamina ran out.  
“Let’s go back to the dorm!” Hiyori managed. “We can get to the dorm manager and call the police, and we’ll be fine!”  
“Okay!” Jun agreed. They had walked quite some distance away from the dorm so there was a noticeable amount of distance to cover before their destination. Hiyori had confidence that he and Jun were going to make it out of this unscathed, but he made the mistake of turning around to check how close their pursuers were to them.

It turned out that the distance was not far at all. One of the men made a dive for it and successfully caught the back of Hiyori’s coat, dragging him down. The force caused his wrist to slip out of Jun’s hand and he collided painfully with the footpath, his hands coming in front of him just in time to save himself from face-planting into the ground.  
“Ohii-san!” Jun called out to him, but Hiyori couldn’t see what was happening as he was quickly flipped over. The green-haired male tried to struggle, but one of the men had straddled his waist, pinning him down.  
“Let me beat that pretty face of yours.” The man on top of him threw a punch, his fist connecting cleanly with Hiyori’s cheek, and Hiyori winced as his head turned sideways from the impact. He heard Jun grunt in an attempt to fight the men off somewhere close by, but Hiyori’s focus was thrown off as another punch hit the side of his head.

A third punch came and Hiyori was sure that he was going to get black eye from this. Suddenly a leg came into view as Jun kicked the man off Hiyori, who used the opportunity to scramble to his feet. In that moment, both of them saw a gap in their attackers’ formation. It was a chance to get away.  
“Ohii-san, run!” Jun shouted, assuming a fighting stance. Hiyori noticed his bruised cheek.  
“I’m not leaving you!” The senior yelled back.  
“Just go! I’ll distract them-” 

Hiyori turned around too late. A kick sent him to the ground and he felt sharp pain on the side of his head before he blacked out.

* * *

Hiyori awoke the way he was when he had been knocked out: on his side on the footpath. The streetlight some distance away made his head throb and he closed his eyes to try and get rid of the stimulation, but that only made him groggier. The last thing he wanted to do was fall asleep again, though he couldn’t quite think of why he wanted to stay awake. Pain stabbed into his brain as he attempted to get up and his already blurry vision swam and spun, but he was determined to find out what was happening and how he got into this situation in the first place. As much as his body was telling him to lie down and rest, there was no way he was going to sit by and do nothing.

As he sat up, everything whirled by so suddenly that he almost blacked out again, but slowly, everything came into focus. Hiyori realised that his face hurt and his left cheek and eye were swollen and tender to touch, but the sight of navy hair in his field of vision caused all of the memories to come crashing back, hard enough that Hiyori grew dizzy again.  
“Jun-kun!” He called. Jun was lying down, facing away from him and unresponsive, so Hiyori crawled over and turned his boyfriend onto his back to inspect him. Jun was unconscious, a small pool of blood at his head, and Hiyori’s panic skyrocketed.  
“Jun-kun!!” Hiyori sobbed, shaking Jun’s shoulders, but there was no reaction. His head throbbed as he tried to think of what to do to help the situation, and it took him some time to remember to check Jun’s vitals. Jun was breathing, though softly, and that alleviated a good amount of the stress. 

Hiyori winced as the pain in his head spiked when he reached for his phone in his pocket. He couldn’t care less at this point that the screen was cracked, only that it worked, and he dialed emergency services. By the time Hiyori had finished the call, he barely remembered what he had said to the operator, or what the operator sounded like, because Jun was bleeding out in front of him and even though he had called for help, he felt truly helpless at not being able to do anything. Time seemed to slow down waiting for the ambulance to come, and Hiyori lowered himself to hug Jun, desperately wanting to feel his warmth in order to comfort himself. He remembered what they had been doing some time ago, embracing like they were in their own little world of happiness and nothing else existed except them, and now he was faced with the possibility that he would never be able to do it again.

Hiyori did his best to be the bright sun that Jun knew him to be and think positively, but he was shaken to his core and he couldn’t stop his mind from thinking about the worst possible scenario.  
“Jun-kun…” Hiyori kissed his cheek and rested the side of his head against Jun’s chest, trying to focus on the way it moved in order to calm himself down. He remembered the last time they were in this position, except Jun wasn’t potentially dying. They were in the Reimei dorm room, talking about work and Eden and other random topics as they cuddled into the night. 

Suddenly he was lying on his back, staring at a white ceiling.  
“Don’t move your head.” A firm male voice spoke from somewhere in the room.  
“Who are you?” Hiyori immediately asked, in a panic because he had no idea where he was and Jun wasn’t anywhere near him.  
“I’m your doctor-”  
“Where’s Jun-kun?”  
“Jun? Is that the person who was with you?”  
“Yes.”  
“Unfortunately I don’t know, sorry.”

That didn’t make Hiyori feel any better.  
“It’s in your best interests to not move.” The doctor in question came into sight, looking down at him with an expression that Hiyori didn’t care to read. He would have disregarded the instructions given if his head hadn’t hurt at that exact moment, and he shut his eyes to stop light from coming into his eyes in an attempt to alleviate the pain. Unfortunately, it only made him sleepier when all he wanted was answers.  
“Where am I?” Hiyori managed, opening his eyes again in a desperate attempt to stay awake.  
“You’re in hospital.”  
“How long was I… asleep for…?”  
“It’s been…”

Hiyori passed out.

* * *

The first thing Hiyori did when he got out of hospital was go straight to Ibara’s office, ignoring the protests of Nagisa and the receptionist at Cosmic Production as he did so. Having heard nothing about Jun during his time in the hospital had successfully driven him crazy and there was no way that he was going to stop until he got the answers he needed, and the best person to hear about it was from Eden’s producer.

Hiyori didn’t even bother to knock as he opened the door violently, and Ibara almost jumped out of his seat at the sudden intrusion.  
“Y-your Highness?”  
“Where’s Jun-kun?”  
“Please calm down!”  
“I called and texted you so many times, and you didn’t respond to me! Did the power of being the vice president get to your head and somehow you stopped caring about your fellow unit member? What happened to your job as a producer? Why did you ignore me? I just wanted to know whether Jun-kun was okay or not, why is it so hard for me to just get an answer?” Hiyori made his way to Ibara when the latter didn’t respond, and when he got there, he grabbed Ibara’s shirt collar and shook him so hard his glasses almost fell off. “Answer me, you snake!! Why are you hiding it from me?!”

Hiyori didn’t care that he could potentially be reported for physical harassment, he was desperate because the only thing that filled his thoughts while he recovered in hospital was _Jun Sazanami_ and there was no way he was going to leave this office without hearing the truth. Right now, there were so many things that he would do just to get an answer, and he was already thinking about the next step if shaking didn’t work.  
“I’ll tell you! Just please stop shaking me!” Ibara managed and Hiyori practically threw him back onto his chair, stepping away with a huff. The producer adjusted his glasses before taking a deep breath, speaking in an uncharacteristically soft voice that Hiyori had never heard before.

“Jun passed away.”

Hiyori stood there in shock as his entire world crumbled away; Ibara and the office disappeared, only to be replaced with something that resembled hell as all the emotional pain imaginable stabbed straight into his soul, and there was nothing that Hiyori could do but take it. _Jun was dead_ , and there was nothing he could do about it, his soulmate was gone and there was nothing he could do to bring him back, and there would be no one who could pull him out of the deep, dark hole that he was falling through because the only person who could save him was gone forever. Hiyori sunk to his knees, unable to stand up anymore as an impossible amount of weight came crashing down on his shoulders and he just wanted to scream, but screaming would do nothing to alleviate the pain of having his soul torn to shreds.

If Ibara was attempting to help him, Hiyori wasn’t aware of it as all of the memories from that night came to him yet again, from when he turned up to Jun’s dorm, to hugging him underneath the moonlight, to being confronted by the strangers while Jun positioned himself to protect him. Now, more than ever, he wanted a hug from Jun and for Jun to tell him that everything was going to be okay and that they were unstoppable as long as they were together, but that couldn’t happen anymore no matter how much he wished for it to happen.  
“... Hiyori-kun. Do you need help getting up?” He had no idea when Nagisa had entered the room, but every instance of the times he hugged Jun replayed itself over and over in Hiyori’s head and he was already too exhausted to answer Nagisa’s question.  
“... Ibara. I will bring Hiyori back to the dorm.”  
“Thank you, Your Excellency. If anything happens, please let me know. As much as I’d like to help now, I am currently very busy.” 

Hiyori’s mind was so deep in a never ending spiral of emotions that he barely registered Nagisa’s voice, and then he was carried to Nagisa’s dorm room before being laid down on a bed.  
“... Sorry, I forgot which one is your dorm, so I brought you to mine instead.” Hiyori stared up at the ceiling, his mind still running at a million miles an hour and he wished that he could go away and let someone else deal with the pain for him. Nagisa appeared in his field of view, and even though he usually didn’t express much, there was concern written all over his face. A moment later, the leader of Eden took a book from the nearby shelf, propping up a pillow to use as a backrest as he sat on the bed. The turning of pages was a very familiar sound to Hiyori, recalling back to when he spent late nights discovering new knowledge with Nagisa as a younger child, but right now, it offered no comfort. Even when he pressed his face against Nagisa’s side and wrapped his arms around his waist, it only just reminded him of a dear one who was no longer in this world.

A full minute went by and Nagisa put down the book, gently tugging at Hiyori’s arms.  
“... I want to lie down beside you.” Hiyori wordlessly retracted his limbs, and soon he was in Nagisa’s embrace. Nagisa was warm as usual, and Hiyori had hugged him countless times, but Nagisa’s warmth did nothing to replace the void that had opened up and threatened to swallow him whole. Actually, Hiyori was already half way through it, and even though his childhood friend was trying his best, it was having the opposite effect because it only served to dig up more painful memories of Jun. Before, all of those memories were beacons of light and comfort that Hiyori clung onto whenever he was lonely, but now, every single one of them were also sharp knives that stabbed into him one by one as it hit him again that he was never going to be able to experience those moments again.

Nagisa brushed Hiyori’s cheek with the back of his fingers, and the latter realised faintly that he was crying, and also that Nagisa had tears running from his eyes too. The leader of Eden tightened the embrace, their breaths mingling as Hiyori quietly sobbed and finally hugged Nagisa back. There they were, the leaders of Adam and Eve, lying next to each other in bed, mourning the loss of someone they cared about.  
“... Hiyori-kun.” Hiyori had no idea how much time had passed but he didn’t care. He wanted nothing more than for all of this to be a dream, so that he could go to sleep, wake up and see Jun again and off they’d go to work or lunch or some destination where they’d spend time talking and laughing together.

Hiyori was sure that he had fallen asleep when he noticed that the room was suddenly dark. Nagisa was still beside him, softly breathing, his arms still around him. Hiyori heard the door open and then the lights were on, and he squinted in response. The noise woke Nagisa up, and Hiyori couldn’t find the energy to get up and find out what was happening as Nagisa withdrew his arms and left him alone on the bed. The mattress was comfortable, as if it were a magnet that kept Hiyori in place and it was going to take a monumental amount of willpower and strength to get himself off it. Nagisa talked to someone, most likely a fellow dorm member, but all the noise felt distant as Hiyori stared ahead at the bookshelf. He tried to read the titles of the books that he could see, but nothing stuck to his mind, and he ended up having to read everything several times over to even begin making sense of the words.

“... Hiyori-kun. Let’s go eat dinner together.” Nagisa gently poked Hiyori. Hiyori wanted to say something about wanting to stay in bed for longer, but he couldn’t even find the energy to communicate, knowing that Nagisa was probably going to bug him until he got up anyway. Eventually, Nagisa sighed and resorted to tugging on Hiyori’s arm, who wasn’t bothered to struggle. Hiyori felt strangely distant from his body as he rose and followed Nagisa out of the dorm room, as if his actual body was a puppet on strings and his soul was failing to control it properly, and the result was some kind of zombie that couldn’t act without being told to by others.

They reached the dorm kitchen. Hiyori thought that he would be surprised to see Ibara there considering that he was so busy all the time, but emotionally he was dead and he felt nothing. The pink-haired man read the atmosphere immediately, bringing plates of food over to the dining area and setting them down. The smell of spaghetti reminded Hiyori of that one time Jun made him the same dish; they had conversed over it, talking happily about work and the upcoming live show, and then Hiyori was watching Jun eat because he really was that cute as he ate. Even if Jun’s cooking wasn’t the best, his food was made with love, and Hiyori desperately tried to remember the taste of the last meal that Jun gave him. It was salmon quiche, a recipe that Jun had finally perfected over much trial and error, and Hiyori clearly recalled the way Jun lit up when Hiyori tasted the dish and an explosion of his favourite flavors hit his palette so hard that he couldn’t help but close his eyes and hum in satisfaction.

The food was tasteless; it wasn’t Jun’s, after all. Ibara tried to strike up some conversation, but when even Nagisa didn’t respond, that sent enough of a message and the rest of the meal was spent in silence. Hiyori thought of the Eden lunches Ibara usually scheduled, and the talk about work, and the time Hiyori had a sudden revelation that this was truly a second family. Their friendship didn’t necessarily run as deep as Trickstar or any of the other Yumenosaki units, but Hiyori could already feel a warm, familiar atmosphere whenever Eden met up, as if he had returned home, even though Ibara stressed at the beginning that the lunch meetings were only for improving teamwork. That dumb snake somehow thought that it was still possible to remain only as business partners after all that they had been through, and eventually Ibara shut up about keeping a strict distance because he was the only one uncomfortable with it and he wasn’t keen on being left out of Eden socially as their producer.

And during those lunch meetings, Jun was always beside Hiyori, and he showed up without fail every time.

“... I will help clean up.” Nagisa stood up, but Ibara took everyone’s plates before Nagisa could get to them.  
“Please rest instead, Your Excellency! Self-care is extremely vital during difficult times! Unfortunately I am not good with emotions, can I trust you to take care of His Highness as well?” Ibara replied, making his way over to the sink.  
“... Okay. Please take care of yourself, Ibara.”  
“Yes, Your Excellency!”

Nagisa led Hiyori out of the room.  
“... Would you like to take a walk?”  
“No. Anything but that.” 

Hiyori realised that it was the first time that he had spoken ever since Ibara had broken the news. Hiyori knew that Nagisa only meant well, but that didn’t stop the events of that night from playing itself in his head. They were his last moments with Jun, from talking to him, to running away from their attackers with him, to embracing him as he bled out on the street, desperately holding onto his weak breathing and heartbeat. Even though they would be walking around the dorms and it would be significantly safer considering that ES was closed off to the public, the amount of dread Hiyori felt at the possibility of it happening again was so strong that it was almost nauseating. However, that didn’t mean Hiyori didn’t want Nagisa’s company; Nagisa’s warmth was still warmth all the same and as his core grew colder and colder, he wanted to hold on to the small flickering flame that was his childhood friend.

“... Hiyori-kun. Where is your dorm room?”  
“Want to stay with you.” 

Nagisa paused for a moment as Hiyori hugged his arm, and then they were on their way to Nagisa’s dorm room. Kaoru and Yuta were already there, surprised by their guest, and the atmosphere grew awkward as they realised that Hiyori would be there to stay the night. Somehow, Nagisa got Hiyori’s dorm room number (Hiyori had no recollection of answering such a request) to fetch his clothes and toiletries, and the next hour or so went by in a blur, not that he knew exactly how much time had passed as he lay on the bed staring at the bookshelf again. The situation reminded him of his childhood spent with Nagisa when they shared a rather large bed, and they had the space to sprawl their limbs out as much as possible. While they had grown a lot bigger, the king-sized bed still offered ample space for both of them to roll around, though Hiyori had no intention of not sleeping as close as possible to Nagisa. Cuddling wasn’t out of question considering he and Nagisa were so close, but their roommates probably made assumptions as they slipped under the blanket and into each other’s arms. Whatever. Nagisa could explain to them later. 

Right now, all Hiyori wanted was to feel bright and sunny again. He might have been physically warm, but his soul was almost ice and it was only going to get worse as he spent more and more time away from his soulmate. 

* * *

_A few days later..._

Hiyori didn’t think that a day would come when he really, really wanted to do as much work as possible. He desperately wanted to do something, anything to take his mind off his emotions. Perhaps spending more time to force himself to be the sunny person everyone knew him as could really revert his mental and emotional state.

Ibara had freed up Hiyori’s schedule for the few days following his hospital release, and Hiyori worked up the energy to get out of bed, dress himself and drag himself to the CosPro offices to talk to his producer about resuming work again. He didn’t care if anyone was going to try and stop him and pull out some excuse about how he wasn’t mentally ready yet; there was no way anyone was going to prevent him from working because he needed relief from his mind right now. If Ibara wasn’t going to let him work, then he’d just have to take matters into his own hands. 

As Hiyori stepped out of the elevator, he noticed Nagisa coming out of the CosPro offices, a flushed unconscious Ibara in his arms.  
“What happened?” Hiyori asked.  
“... Ibara is sick. I am going to take him to the infirmary.” 

Good. Ibara wasn’t going to be an obstacle to overcome.  
“... Hiyori-kun, please come with me.”  
“I’m going to work soon, so I’ll be busy.”  
“... Ibara said that we have no work for the rest of the week.”  
“Well, I’m about give myself some work so-”  
“ _Come with me, Hiyori_.” Nagisa never expressed his emotions much in general, but that threatening tone shook Hiyori to his core, enough that he obeyed him wordlessly. The leader of Eden may have been a good actor and all, but Hiyori knew that this was definitely not an act.

Some time later, they reached the infirmary and they dropped off Ibara. Before Hiyori could even try to escape, Nagisa grabbed his wrist and practically dragged him to his dorm.  
“Why are you doing this?” Hiyori’s voice came out low and rough, because he really didn’t want to be here and it was irritating him at the very least.  
“... I want to talk to you, but you’ve been avoiding me.”  
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”  
“... I want to help you.”  
“You’re not helping by doing this.”  
“... Aren’t we supposed to help each other? I thought you said that we were family.”

That word hit Hiyori much harder than he anticipated. Hiyori didn’t stop Nagisa from guiding him to the sofa, sitting him down and letting him rest his head on Nagisa’s shoulder.  
“... Please talk out your feelings.” Nagisa wrapped an arm around Hiyori’s shoulders as Hiyori failed to stop the tears from flowing out of his eyes, but he remained silent as all of the emotions that he had worked so hard to keep down began to bubble up again. He thought that he could suppress the pain, resume life again, and just leave it all behind and pretend that Jun Sazanami never existed, but Nagisa was proving how easy it would be to simply unearth it all, and then Hiyori would have to spend all of that effort trying to bury those feelings again. Just as he thought of the name, his chest hurt as he remembered Jun’s smiling laughing face, the way that he danced and sung on stage as his other half and as a member of Eden, the softness of his hair as Hiyori grasped it during their first kiss, and the warmth of his body whenever they shared an embrace.

“What about you, Nagisa-kun? Aren’t you sad too?” Hiyori choked out, his throat constricting from crying.  
“... Yes. But Ibara told me to help you.”  
“Why is it about him? Would you have helped me if Ibara didn’t tell you to do it?”  
“... Of course. You’re important to me, Hiyori-kun. I don’t want to see you sad like this. It makes me sad too.”  
“What about Ibara? Why is he not sad?” Hiyori tried to change the topic so that he didn’t have to talk about himself, because it was already beginning to hurt so much that it was unbearable.  
“... Ibara wouldn’t talk to me. I told him to rest, but he has been sleeping very little. He said that he got a lot of work because of what happened to Jun, but I think that maybe he worked to forget that he was sad.” 

Hiyori knew that Ibara had feelings deep down, but he didn’t know that those feelings were strong enough to cause Ibara to work himself to the ground just to deal with them. Ibara had practically mastered the art of self care and that was how he was able to stand on his own two feet despite his workload and the resulting stress, but Ibara and not taking care of himself was uncharacteristic of him.  
“... I feel sad that I didn’t get to talk much to him. I hope that he says hello to Father for me.” Hiyori knew that Nagisa wasn’t good with words and that he was still working on expressing his emotions, but the way that he spoke about them was enough for Hiyori to understand, as if they could telepathically communicate their feelings. It was also possible that Nagisa hadn’t gotten a firm grasp on what he was feeling, and Hiyori was confident that he’d talk more about it later if he was asked.

“... Hiyori-kun, please tell me how you feel. Ibara said that it’s not good to keep things bottled up.”

Ibara said this, Ibara said that, blah blah blah. Even though Hiyori grew irritated at the mention of his producer, he couldn’t help but seriously consider Nagisa’s request, instead of spitting out some scathing remark about how Nagisa was becoming Ibara’s puppet. Suddenly everything swelled up, and as much as Hiyori tried to push it down, that only caused the pain to surge even higher, and soon, he was drowning in it and the more he struggled, the deeper he sunk into the bottomless ocean of emotions. It was suffocating and terrifying and Hiyori was threatened to remain imprisoned there forever without ever being able to see the sun again, and for a moment, that really seemed like the reality of things because an irreplaceable part of his soul had just been ripped out from him and-

“I loved him.” Hiyori started. Nagisa didn’t respond, as if waiting for him to say more. “We kept our relationship a secret because we didn’t want a scandal to happen, but… I loved him. I loved him so much. We were out walking that night because I was lonely and I hadn’t been able to spend time with him in private in a long time. I… it’s all my fault. We’d walked like that before so I thought it was fine but… If I had just kept it in and not walked with Jun-kun, if I just called him instead, none of this would have happened.” Hiyori put his face into his hands as he began to sob uncontrollably. “Why was I so stupid?! I knew it was dangerous to walk outside like that, so why did it do it?! I loved him so much that it hurt, why did I think that it was okay to do that when I knew I was putting him in danger?! Jun-kun got beat up like that because of me! Jun-kun is _dead_ because of me!!!” 

Nagisa squeezed tighter and Hiyori turned around to cry into his shoulder, hugging him back the best he could in his position. Luckily it was in the middle of the day and everyone else was at work or somewhere else, otherwise anyone in the neighbouring dorm rooms would have heard him scream out his confession alongside all of the emotions that went with it. Ever since Ibara had told Hiyori what happened to Jun, he had quietly cried himself to sleep almost every night so as to not disturb his roommates, but this was the first time he had exploded and he didn’t realise how much everything hurt until now. It finally hit him: Jun was gone, and he was never coming back, and Jun’s final moments were of pain and desperation, all because of his own lover.

Hiyori remembered that moment as they both lay injured on the street like it was yesterday, and he wondered how things would have been if he had been in Jun’s place instead.

* * *

From the moment Hiyori came to his senses, he knew that he was dreaming from the lack of colour in his surroundings.

He was in a street, and he was standing in the middle of a footpath. For some reason, he knew he had an objective and that was to find something, or someone, and he didn’t know what it was or why he had to do so. The street was completely unfamiliar and he turned to ask someone for directions to a place that he didn’t even know about, but he was completely ignored, as if he was a ghost instead of a person. To test this, he tried to softly bump into someone, but his shoulder went completely through them. Suddenly, Hiyori thought to look down at himself to see what he looked like: he was dressed in his summer casual outfit, and he was black and white like everyone else was.

He walked his way around, making random turns, but everything looked the same no matter how far he travelled. Hiyori began to panic at the prospect of being stuck in this forever without finding the thing that was important, so he picked up the pace, even though it made no sense for him to go faster. He started to think about whether this was some kind of puzzle and there was something he was supposed to be doing to escape or fulfil his objective, but suddenly the person that he was looking for appeared right in front of him.

Jun Sazanami.

He was the only person in colour, with his blue hair and his summer casual outfit. When he appeared, everything washed away and they were standing in a field of blooming flowers, and Hiyori could see just about every colour he could think of around him. The sun shone brightly overhead and a gentle warm breeze blew by, but the most radiant thing of all was Jun’s smile as he faced Hiyori.  
“Ohii-san.” His voice was music to Hiyori’s ears and he rushed forward as fast as his body could allow, throwing himself at Jun. They went down together, Hiyori on top of Jun, but the flowers softened their landing and Jun laughed as he wrapped his arms around his senior, and Hiyori couldn’t help but do the same. He missed this, he missed this happiness and this warmth so much, and he couldn’t help but laugh along with Jun as they rolled around together.

Finally they were exhausted, and they lay facing each other.  
“Ohii-san, why are you crying?” Jun asked, reaching his hand out to wipe Hiyori’s tears.  
“I… I’m so happy… Jun-kun…” Hiyori pulled Jun closer and kissed his forehead. Jun hugged back, snuggling up into Hiyori.  
“Can you stop? You’re making me cry too.”  
“Jun-kun! Jun-kun!” The name rolled off Hiyori’s tongue so nicely that he just wanted to keep on saying it over and over again.  
“I said... stop crying… Goddamn…” Jun planted his face into Hiyori’s chest. Those tears would leave a visible patch on Hiyori’s clothes, but he didn’t care. He was happy, Jun was happy, and everything was going to be okay because Jun was there.

They stayed like that for a while, and Hiyori dearly wished that this moment could last forever. Sometimes, he remembered reality, but then he looked down and saw Jun in his arms and felt his warmth, and all the pain washed away, only to be replaced with absolute bliss.  
“Jun-kun.” Jun separated himself a little so that he could look at Hiyori.  
“What is it?”  
“I love you!”  
“I know, you don’t have to tell me that all the time.” Jun sighed.  
“Yes yes, but I love you!!” Jun looked away in embarrassment before mustering up the resolve to say something to Hiyori, looking at him in the eye.

Suddenly the air grew chilly, the flowers around them began to die, and the sun overhead began to disappear.  
“Jun-kun!” Hiyori desperately grasped at Jun, attempting to pull him in closer because he wanted to keep his lover if everything else was going to go, but Jun began to fade away as he opened his mouth.  
“I love you too… stupid Ohii-san…” Jun’s voice grew softer and softer, and eventually he was gone entirely, disappearing from Hiyori’s arms.  
“Jun-kun! Jun-kun!!” Hiyori called out his name over and over and soon it became screaming as tears of pain streamed down his eyes and his surroundings became cold and grey, and he curled up in a futile attempt to warm himself up.

Eventually, Hiyori’s voice grew hoarse, and he continued to whisper Jun’s name as if he would come back if he said it enough, but he knew from the bottom of his heart that it was never going to happen.

* * *

Everything was as planned. Hiyori had taken the sleeping pills, he had sharpened the knife, and he was at the rooftop of ES during unholy hours of the night. For the past few days, he had spent his nights with Nagisa, so he knew that his roommates wouldn’t suspect that anything was wrong, and he had told Nagisa that he was going back to his room for tonight, so that was handled too. It felt a little strange at first, scheming just like Ibara had been for a good amount of his life, but Hiyori was confident that this was going to work. He did his research, he took the time to carefully think things out, and he had every intent on going through with this without looking back.

Hiyori looked at his wrist, holding the knife with the other hand. Even though he knew that this wasn’t going to be the most painful thing, there was still a bit of fear in doing this. He knew exactly where and how to cut, but going ahead with it was suddenly difficult, as if he needed all the willpower in the world to proceed with the plan. Hiyori knew exactly the trick that he needed; he closed his eyes and thought of meeting Jun again, and right when he opened them again he slashed, blood splattering onto the ground as he cut into the necessary arteries that would have him bleed out in the next hour or so. Of course it stung, but it came nowhere near to the amount of agony he had experienced over the loss of his lover.

The crescent moon was overhead, and Hiyori lay down to look up at the night sky, dully remembering how it looked like when he took that final nightly stroll with Jun. Just as he expected, he felt tired, his exhaustion amplified by the medication, and he was going to sleep while his body shut down. Hiyori closed his eyes and attempted to drift off, but he couldn’t help but think about other useless things; these were going to be his final thoughts after all, and even if no one else was going to know what went through his mind, Hiyori found some kind of importance to this, though he couldn’t quite explain why.

Hiyori decided that he was going to write something down, at least to explain to everyone else why he did what he was doing, as if that was going to redeem himself for the events that happened that night when he last walked and talked with Jun. He took his phone out of his pocket, but just as he did so, it rang. Hiyori panicked, immediately thinking that he had been caught, and the caller’s name could easily mean that his plans had been foiled. He looked at the screen for a moment; on one hand, things could go downhill if he didn’t pick up and Nagisa Ran thought that something was wrong, but on the other hand, Nagisa could attempt to convince him to back out of this, and Hiyori didn’t want to do that and then regret not taking this chance when he had to. He steeled his resolve, knowing that taking the former option was objectively the best one.

“Hello?” Hiyori whispered, pretending that he was in his dorm room and that he didn’t want to wake up his roommates.  
“... Hiyori-kun?”  
“It’s really late, why did you call?”  
“... I don’t know, I had a strange feeling.”  
“What kind of strange feeling?”  
“... Are you okay?”

Hiyori knew that this was it. This was his last chance to back out of his plan. He thought about Eden, about Nagisa and Ibara, about the idol world, about his family, everything that he’d leave behind if he proceeded with this. Nagisa was his childhood friend and he would be sad, Ibara would get another truckload of work if another person in his unit passed away, his family might be sad even if he was the useless second child that wouldn’t inherit the family business, and he was talented and popular so his fans might mourn his death. He thought about the dreams and promises he made with Nagisa, and his love and passion for idols, and how Nagisa was the one that inspired those feelings within him. While they had come so far, they still had a shining, glittering future of endless possibilities lying in wait in front of them.

But that future didn’t include Jun. 

And Hiyori just wanted to be able to embrace Jun again.

“Hmm? I’m fine.” Hiyori responded, as if there really was nothing wrong with him and he wasn’t dying right there and then.  
“... Okay. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Nagisa didn’t sound completely convinced, but it was enough. Hiyori internally sighed in relief.  
“Goodnight, Nagisa-kun.”  
“... Goodnight, Hiyori-kun. Please sleep well.”

Hiyori hung up and put his phone down on the ground beside him, before turning his head to look at his other outstretched arm. Blood had already begun to pool around his wrist, and it reminded him awfully of Jun lying injured on the street. Even though that was a painful memory, it was all numbed down by the prospect of being able to see Jun again, and he knew that he just had to deal with this for a little longer and then it would be all over. His eyelids grew heavy and his vision began to grow out of focus, and Hiyori had never wanted to sleep this much in his entire life, not only because he was actually sleepy but also because of what would happen next.

Before he closed his eyes and let the darkness overtake him, he swore he saw Jun lying opposite to him, his hand on top of Hiyori’s.

* * *

When Hiyori opened his eyes next, he was standing in a field of white flowers that stretched as far as he could see. If this was heaven or whatever there was after life, he certainly didn’t mind this; it was a beautiful sight after all. The sky was partly cloudy, the sun’s gentle rays caressed his face, and the fresh scent of plants topped it off.

He looked down at himself; his form was completely white but he was translucent, and it was when he realised that he was cold, as if he were completely naked. Hiyori tried to look around for anything that he could do to warm himself up, but when that failed, he resorted to hugging himself as he walked around. There was nothing better to do than to explore, even if all he could see were the white flowers that swayed gently in the wind. He wondered whether something would appear before him, just like it did when he had that dream.

Hiyori’s prediction was right. Suddenly, all of the flowers were colourful and vibrant, and Hiyori turned around to meet the gaze of Jun Sazanami, but instead of a smile, it was confusion.  
“... Ohii-san?”  
“Jun-kun!!” Hiyori rushed forward. They didn’t fall down together this time as Jun resisted the force and Hiyori wrapped his arms around Jun. It took a moment for him to get over his surprise before he returned the embrace.  
“Ohii-san… Ohii-san…” For the first time, Jun was crying before Hiyori was.  
“Jun-kun… Jun-kun…”

They stayed in that position in silence for who knows how long, and Hiyori could feel himself warm up from within. Finally, he felt completely comfortable, as if there was a missing half that had just been filled. Jun broke off the hug first, tears streaming down his face, and Hiyori was sure that he looked the same.  
“Why are you here?” Jun asked softly, taking Hiyori’s hands into his.  
“I’m here for you.”  
“What do you mean?” Hiyori just smiled back, before Jun realised. “... Don’t tell me you…”  
“I… I did it for you, Jun-kun. I wanted to be with you so badly that…” Hiyori couldn’t finish his sentence as he sobbed, and Jun reached up to wipe his tears away before Hiyori could.

They hugged again.

“Thanks for warming me up, Ohii-san.”  
“Same.”  
“... Ah, it looks like we should be going soon.” Hiyori looked around, noticing that their surroundings were changing and a bright light was beginning to envelope them.  
“Where are we going?”  
“Somewhere nicer. I’ll show you around, so don’t worry.”  
“We’re still going to be together right?”  
“Yeah.” Jun looked into Hiyori’s eyes again, lifting up one of Hiyori’s hands and entwining their fingers together, showing that soft smile that reminded Hiyori of how much he loved Jun.

They really were soulmates after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy JunHiyo Day.
> 
> I destroyed myself emotionally writing this and I hope you got destroyed too.


End file.
